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I was watching PBS last night instead of the Grammys. (You totally think I’m an intellectual elitist, I know, but just wait to read the whole story, okay?) Because, really, who cares about which crappy pop singer wins best new artist? I certainly don’t.
So when I saw that The Eleventh Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor had been awarded, posthumously, to the comedic genius, George Carlin, choosing to watch the hour and a half special tribute featuring Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Denis Leary, Joan Rivers, Lewis Black, Margaret Cho, and others, instead of the Grammys, was a no-brainer. And if you can’t understand, there is one of only two reasons why: 1) You have been living on a deserted island for the past forty years and have never seen George Carlin perform or 2) You are very religious.
I am not a huge fan of stand up comedy, because so much of today’s is lame, but Carlin is classic. He is incredibly intelligent, so much of his comedy is as well. More than a comedian, he was truly a social anthropologist of sorts. His insight about religion is raw and honest and fan-fucking-tastic. He was a trailblazer for “non-believers,” constantly bemused by how seemingly logical people can be so deceived by “the greatest bullshit story ever told,” about “an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do every minute of the day.”
Carlin was also a master of language, a lifetime student of the spoken word. An avid reader, he owned thousands of books; he loved quippy cliches and foul expletives more than a wannabe novelist, and actually went to The Supreme Court to defend his “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.”
It was announced that he would be honored with the Mark Twain award a week before his death, so Carlin knew about it and even wrote a few notes, which were found with his belongings and were read by his daughter at the ceremony.
It was a sad day back in June when I learned he had passed away. Especially because that phrase is so inappropriate in his case. Carlin says that we shouldn’t just pass away. We should die big. Carlin certainly lived big. And as Bill Maher stated, Carlin died in a hospital named for a saint (St. John’s) in a city named for a saint (Santa Monica.) So he did die big, giving us one last laugh.
We’re laughing with you, George!
If I am going to be drug free, then it is going to be for me, certainly not for Christ. Not because I don’t believe in organized religion (which I don’t), or Jesus Christ (I know he was a real person), but because if you are going to do anything, you should do it for yourself, not for a man who lived over two millenia ago, even if he was a martyr. And what does doing drugs have to do with Christ at all, really? If there is such a place as heaven, do you honestly think that Christ is up there, watching and judging our every action? Seriously though, why would he give a fuck what we do? And besides, wasn’t it Jesus who turned water into wine? Or was that Moses? Whatever. Obviously I don’t teach Bible study, but I do know that they all enjoyed drinking wine and getting fucked up just as much as we do today.
People don’t change, really. Only time does. Even with advancement in technology, the wonders of modern medicine, and the vast knowledge and resources we have today, people will still employ the same means of enjoyment and release from the monotony of their existential depression, if they choose to do so. Even among the brain-washed masses (who, going to church every Sunday make certain they’ll get into “heaven”, right?), it is arguably 100 percent probable that some drink alcohol and/or use drugs. Because if you really think about it, about how prevalent alcohol use and drug abuse is in our society, it is almost impossible for anyone to not know a single person who uses drugs. Everyone does. Regardless of what we learned in the D.A.R.E program at 11 or 12 years old. If D.A.R.E. taught me anything, it was understanding exactly what each drug does, is, looks like, costs, and ways to use it. So…fuckin’ A! Was I supposed to learn not to do drugs? I mean, honestly, maybe my generation would have been better off without the D.A.R.E program. It was really more of a catalyst for drug use, rather than a prevention method, or scare tactic. Preparation for entrance into the “real world” that was junior high school. Because that is when almost everyone I knew had tried smoking bud, and started drinking. That was only the jumping-off point.
I don’t believe that using Jesus Christ as the main factor in one’s decision-making process, for every aspect of one’s life, was exactly what Jesus had in mind by becoming a martyr for human rights, compassion, and understanding. I don’t think he necessarily expected to be a savior to millions, and worshipped. I think the point he was trying to get across is that you should be your own person. Follow your own beliefs, set your own principles, live by your own faith. It is okay to be helped along the way. But don’t let it hinder you as an individual either. We have free will for a reason…
If Jesus Christ were alive today, I’d propose a toast to him for being the amazing, influential person that he was. I’d open a bottle of pinot noir and pour us both a glass.
